LAST DAY OF MY COLLEGE LIFE

Today when I sit on a cushioned chair and think about my past I know I am making an attempt which is never going to bring a smile on my face. But still I open the gates of my mind looking for the thoughts which I had lived not knowing the meanings then. Days and nights flash before my eyes ,faces disappear before me saying aloud "we would have stopped if u had asked". But my mind as a traveler never could recognize them nor their voices so they say aloud "sorry this is all we can say". Finally the search has found its end I find a gate and I  know  it is  going to  open to the place which had given me reasons to smile, days to remember and faces so familiar with. I open the gate and my mind enters a zone which I  say "my college" .I suppose its the first day of my college life that I  have wandered into, I can see me standing in front of gate with all fears and excitement in mind looking towards a future which I am going to add to my book of life. But no this is not the day that I  am looking for .....the pages scroll with  pace  and what I  hear is just silence ..... ....I  have stopped at a page which is the last page of this chapter ,definitely "the send off day". I take a peep and I  find many people moving about all busy as if some event is on the line......... it is  the preparation for the farewell party the one we had organized for ourselves................the day proceeds and it is filled with laughs and pranks and the day really looks colorful in all sense .And as time passes by  I know the mood is going to change, its as if even the weather is sad as I see the dull shade of the evening engulfing the bright day under its blanket .Is it the shade of the evening or the strain of the day that's making all the faces that I see sad ?well the answer is something which still looms around some corner waiting to be spotted by someone. But definitely I am not going to be the seeker as I know the answer is nowhere else but within me. Its the last moment of the memory that I see before me now.....I can see everyone shaking hands and passing hugs and promising to meet again with a heart which is weeping so loud that the eyes cant bear the weight.......I walk along with my friends down the pathway to the gates which now remain wide open as if its waiting for us to leave so that it could close itself and wash away all the memories that we have made there to give a clean slate that could be filled upon by the fresher's, who would again build moments to be cherished upon.........Now when I walk along the paths again I can hear the sound of my heart which was saying to itself "I have left something back there" ,I turn back ..... but my walk continues  sensing its vain to search for what I had left behind.....I ask to my self is it my life that I had left or else my happiness ?.......or else something which I still  don't know.......I walk with firm steps and strong oath that this day would definitely remain engraved in my heart with a pain that would prick me now and then...well what I have earned with this walk is still something which I don't know ,is it the pain that I have realized or else the wanderer in me that I have found ..the answer still is unknown......Its time to open my eyes and to realize that what is before me is nothing but roles to enact and a life to be lived upon.

I CRY ALOUD" WHAT I HAVE IS ,WHAT I HAVE MADE OF LIFE"

Life was just in  its full swing with lots of opportunities and challenges looming around the corner and occasional pelt down of struggle  with its enormous force to wreck  down ones own stand. The pale evenings did give way to brighter days and lots of activities in my life. My life had taken a new turn as I was stationed to a new location "Bangalore" for my higher studies. An MBA the three letters that was to change my life upturn out. Though there  was buzz all around the college with all  sorts of activities and celebrations I  was still searching for something which I had lost. The faces that I saw were turning  out to be emotionless to me........some smiles just bleak enough to create a pass by breeze and others, that send severe pain of agony with their cruel egoistic frowns. The voices that resounded in my mind eagerly opined I had lost the battle that I had waged with determination to succeed , but my inner voice always gave strength to move on..........but never knew all these music of life was just turning out to be the welcome notes for the disaster to start about...................life did roll about in its course but I remained a mere onlooker of the game of which I was once a player............today when I pen down this I barely remain a pass by common man walking around the arena to get a chance to view the big game which has gained its enormous pomp and glory and the only left over peace with me is memories which fade away by the days.............all this is what is left of my MBA life, a life which I had to leave half way incomplete for reasons which were definitely  beyond my control............A life which  I try to bury in my self with great grief, expecting that it would never rise again like the phoenix bird and spread its wings of fire to  burn what is left of me ..............